Yesterday, my son stood up in front of a classroom of his peers and apologized for being alive. As a mother, I cannot find the words to fully explain how it felt to hear my 11-year-old son say those words. It’s heart-shattering and terrifying, and it’s a feeling no parent should ever have to feel.
Most of the time, Sawyer is my easy going happy-go-lucky kid who is full of laughter and hugs. But sometimes he has days like this- days where something as small as losing his pencil can set him off and send him into a downward spiral- and it’s sad, and hard, and ugly.
Today Sawyer starts his first day of middle school. Most people would probably think “Man, that kid is excited for school to start!” What they don’t know is that he wasn’t excited- he was overly prepared because he was a ball of nerves- worrying about being bullied, getting lost, or the work being too hard.
God has used Sawyer to help me be a better mother and person, and I believe it’s part of my life’s purpose to help educate others and advocate for him and others like him; that’s why I write this blog.
Sawyer got his middle school schedule today, and tonight we are going to shop online for his school supplies. He already got a new, “cool” backpack and new school clothes, too. He’s in that weird middle area where he’s too big for kids’ clothes, but not quite big enough for men’s clothes yet. This year, instead of The Childrens’ Place, we shopped at Old Navy; my little guy is growing up.
As I chatted recently with my sister about the upcoming school year, I thought again about how much I wish more school districts would do an autism training for teachers.
As parents, we are often told “choose your battles”, which is a way of telling us to think about which battles are worth the fight.
Sawyer is 11 now, and even though he’s come a very long way, he is still very different from his peers. Even though most of the time the kids at his school are understanding about his autism, there are still a few who like to make fun of him for his differences. My prayer is that the older Sawyer gets, the more the other kids may understand and accept his differences and the differences of others like him.
This year, Sawyer has discovered and fallen in love with “Bluey”; it’s his latest fixation. I don’t want Sawyer to be made fun of or left out of things because he is into things that the other kids in his grade think are for babies. But I also don’t want to discourage Sawyer from loving the things he loves.
The world of autism has changed so much since this became our family’s life 10 years ago. There have been more diagnosed, and the categories for autism have changed.
Every year, 1 in 36 children in the US is diagnosed with autism. That is wild to me. because when Sawyer was diagnosed in 2015, the statistic was 1 in 52.
Sawyer has developed a new “tic”, or stim. He kind of “chews” or smacks his lips a little on the left side now, and that’s new. I asked him why he does that, and replied “Um, I don’t know. It’s just what I do.”
Our goal is to help share support and resources with families like ours. ♥
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Vanderbilt Kennedy Center is a very special place to our family. It’s where Sawyer was first diagnosed with autism, and it was through their incredible programs and research that he first received the therapy he needed to thrive. Our current political administration has pulled funding that pays for progams and services that help families like ours. Please consider donating to VKC to help others continue to receive the vital programs and services needed to help them succeed.
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